argyle_s: (Default)
Title: The Diary of Jane
Author: Argyle_S
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating: NC-17
Length: About 27,000 Words
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance.
Warnings: Explicit sex. Pregnant Sex. BDSM. Branding. Mentions of sexual assault.
Summary: Three weeks after the incident with Dennis, Maura has to fly to D.C. for the weekend to consult on a case, but she leaves something behind for Jane. Her journal, which contains a series of letters she's written to Jane over the months since the two settled their argument over Doyle's shooting. Letters she's been too afraid to show Jane.

A/N: Explicit content, pregnant sex.


My Beloved Jane,

I've thought about it, of course. What it would be like to have a family with you, to raise children and watch them become adults under the touch of both our influence. I've day dreamed about it so much, I have the whole thing planned. I know how long I would need to take the fertility drugs before I was ready to have my eggs harvested. I know the cost of the procedure, the best clinics to have it done at, how long it takes to get an appointment. I even have the donor picked out.

It would have to be Frankie, of course. Frankie, because while Tommy favors you in appearance, Frankie favors you in every way that matters. Intelligence, character, integrity, strength, resolve, courage and the capacity for love. I know there is no guarantee, but to do everything possible to capture all the best of you in any life we create, and I know that this would be the closest I could possibly come to carrying our child inside me.

Because, I always assumed that it would be me. I always imagined the lives we created would grow within my body. It never occurred to me, before today, that it might be otherwise, until I sat in a birthing class, massaging Lydia's back. Until the moment I pictured you sitting in front of me, heavy with my child as I cared for you.

I've tried to blot it out, to think of something else, but I can't get the image of how beautiful you would be out of my mind. Of how it would feel to sit in our bed and rub your back slowly, easing the aches and tension. I can't get it out of my head, any more than I can stop thinking of how much I would like to make love to you like that.

I would start with a long, slow massage, to relax you so you could focus on what I was doing for you. I'd lift your shirt off, and slowly pepper your shoulders with kisses as I reached up and unfastened the maternity bra. You would hold your breasts, already heavy with milk as I slipped out from behind you, and I would look into your eyes as I lowered you back onto the pillows.

I'd see the insecurity in your eyes. You doubt your own beauty at the best of times, so I'd whisper in your ear, telling you how beautiful I find you, how much I love you, how proud I am of you, and how wet just the sight of you is making me at that moment.

I'd laugh at the small moan that escaped you, and I'd slip down, peeling away your sweat pants and panties. You'd whisper a quiet, shy request, asking me to let you see me, and I'd lean down to kiss you, before I slipped out of bed, just long enough to undress. I'd blush, just a little, at the hungry look in your eyes, and climb back into bed quickly, seeking out your mouth with my own, kissing you with all the passion and desire I felt for the mother of my child.

I'd caress you, running my hand over the swell of your stomach as I kissed my way down to your throat. You'd start to pull away when I reached your breasts, swollen and aching with the weight of the milk that filled them. I'd look up into your eyes, knowing you hadn't been using the pump I'd bought for you, and I'd ask you softly to trust me.

You'd give a small, nervous nod, and I'd reach up, drawing your hands away from your breasts, then I'd cup them gently in my own, and lean down, running my tongue over one of your nipples. You'd sigh softly at the touch, the skin slowly hardening. I'd look up into your eyes again as I closed my lips around the pink flesh, watching you. I'd suck hard, and for a moment, you'd whimper at the pain, but then, you'd let down, and I'd listen to you moan as your milk filled my mouth. You'd reach up, cradling my head in your hands as my hand slipped down between your legs and I teased you, parting your folds and running my fingers over the soft wet skin inside.

I would take my time, nursing and stroking you until I'd taken every drop from that breast, and then, I'd work my way over to the other, leaving small, delicate kisses in my wake. I'd find your other nipple already hard and waiting for me. I'd smile, proud of how much I'd turned you on as I took it in my mouth and begin to suck on it, and as you let down and the milk began to flow, I'd slip two fingers inside you.

I would be so gentle with you, my love. I'd work my fingers in and out, curling them up to find your g-spot as my thumb stroked your clit. I'd look up, making sure to hold your gaze as you approached your release. I'd see the exact moment you needed more, and I'd give it, picking up the pace until your body tenses and shakes with your orgasm.

Afterwards, I'd gather you in my arms. I'd hold you and pet your hair, and whisper in your ear, telling you how lucky I felt and how happy I was to have you, the woman I love and the mother of my child, my beloved wife, there in my arms.

It's such a beautiful dream, my love, and it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. Happy, because a future with you has become my idea of a perfect life. Sad, because I don't think I'll ever have it. I don't blame you. I did this all to my self. I simply long for you with all my heart, and wish desperately that we could find happiness together.

With all my love,

I buried my face in the pillow, wondering if Maura's libido was like that all the time. If it was, I was gonna die young. Happy, definitely happy, but young.

I laughed, shaking my head because I knew I was getting months of pent up desire thrown at me in just a couple of hours. Add to that the fact that it had been... God, Dean had been the last time I'd taken someone to bed, and the most generous descriptor I could come up with for that was 'adequate.' I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd had a really satisfying lay. It was before DCU, I know that. Mostly because Dean was the first guy I'd actually slept with since making detective.

I looked at the journal again, smiling, because as nice, and frustrating, as Maura's fantasies were, they were just the frosting on the cake. I tried to hide it from everyone, but deep down, I was a romantic, and Maura's repeated affirmations of love had me glued to the pages of that journal.

If someone had told me the day before that I'd ever be romantically involved with Maura, I'd have laughed in their faces. I'd probably have punched them for good measure. But not five minutes ago, I'd finished a letter where Maura was day dreaming about us being married, and I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever read. I wanted that to be our future. I ached for it.

I could see it so clearly. Me and Maura married, raising Tony together. Maybe having one of our own in a couple of years. I'd put in for my Sergeant's exam. I'd hate having to break up the little dream team me, Frost and Korsak had going, but a Sergeant worked more regular hours, and spent a lot less time on the street and the wrong end of some perp's gun. Give it a few years, and I could probably even make Lieutenant. I was no Joey Grant, but my name and my picture had been splashed across the paper enough. I had a bit of juice.

I hated trading on it, but for Maura and Tony, I could do it. I'd still be doing good work, still bringing down the bad guys. But I'd also be there for my family. I'd make it home for dinner on a regular basis. I'd have a future that was something other than turning into a female version of Korsak.

I looked over at the clock. It read 8:45 AM. I had just enough time to finish the last few letters, then grab a shower.

The Diary of Jane Chapter List
Chapter 01
Chapter 02
Chapter 03
Chapter 04
Chapter 05
Chapter 06
Chapter 07
Chapter 08
Chapter 09
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15

Fanfic Master List

Date: 2012-08-24 05:11 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I've often thought it would be smart for Jane to shoot for lieutenant if she wanted any kind of family life. I agree with you that she would do it for Maura.

Date: 2012-08-24 06:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]

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